Todd Huttunen began appraising more than 20 years ago with a few years off in between to pursue a career in cabinet making. He relegated that to hobby status and is currently an appraiser in an assessor’s office. His best friend dubbed him The Hall Monitor because of his rigidity and respect for rules. He offers Soapbox readers tongue-in-groove insight on appraisal issues. Today Todd nominates himself for presidence on a platform that punishes capital. …Jonathan Miller

The way I see it is this: if among the two dozen or so declared candidates, [Tom Vilsack]( and [Duncan Hunter]( can run for President (extra credit for anyone who can pick either of these guys out of a lineup), why not me?

I do today, therefore, with no consideration whatsoever given to the thoughts of my friends or family, declare my candidacy for President of the United States. Unlike my fellow candidates – who will focus on issues such as the war in Iraq, health care, education, global climate change, and immigration reform – my candidacy will be based on the single issue of “Capital” punishment, which is not to be confused with “Capital Punishment”.

“Capital” punishment is an issue I am introducing because I wish to improve the working conditions of oppressed and downtrodden real estate appraisers everywhere. And the beauty of “Capital” punishment is the fact that it will be meted out by appraisers, using their own wisdom and discretion, and not by spineless judges!

“Capital” punishment is nothing more than the addition of a few more adjustment categories to the Sales Comparison grid. And if the appraiser is put in a position where he or she must make adjustments in these new categories (which I will get into shortly), the result will be a lower appraised value, hence the term “Capital” punishment.

Feel free to add your own categories but mine would include the following:

Awning adjustment
This adjustment is dependent on the weather. If it’s raining when the appraiser shows up for the inspection and the house doesn’t have an overhanging roof, portico, or awning of some sort and the appraiser has to stand out in the rain while waiting for the owner to answer the door.

Shrubbery adjustment
This depends on several factors including the density of, and proximity to, the house. (In certain cases the appraiser may amend the statement of Limiting Conditions to include, “Due to the proximity of Holly, Barberry Hedges, and or Rosebushes to the subject dwelling, the actual square footage is anybody’s guess.”)

Excessive radius adjustment
Sometimes related to Shrubbery, but this is appropriate when the radius of the wall at a corner of the house precludes appraiser from anchoring the tape measure and walking it to the next corner without slippage. (can also be used if the radius at the corner is so sharp as to prevent the appraiser from unhooking the tape measure from 30 feet away and has to walk all the way back to free it)

Shape of house adjustment
This applies, in varying degrees, to any house that is not a perfect rectangle AND whose owner does not have a set of blue prints that you can borrow. (Of course, if the house was [designed by Frank Gehry](, even blue prints won’t help very much)

Dog minefield adjustment
Last, but certainly not least, is the Dog minefield adjustment and this one combines all the others, not to mention the size of the dog.

I am counting on the support of my fellow appraisers as I begin my campaign. Let’s bring the issue of “Capital” punishment to the front burner once and for all. Let those offending homeowners know in no uncertain terms that we are not afraid to, if necessary, Kill the Deal.

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2 Responses to “[The Hall Monitor] Punishment Of Capital Platform”

  1. Lucia says:

    Don’t forget to punish the homeowner for an offending odor assaulting an appraiser who opens the door to an unventilated room. There should also be a penalty for cat hair clinging to the appraiser’s pant legs. If the homeowner insists the appraiser takes off his/her shoes upon entering the house and the appraiser steps in a puddle in the bathroom near the toilet while sock footed, the penalty to the homeowner should be grievious.

  2. The Hall Monitor says:

    A hefty dry-cleaning bill for the cat hair and new socks at the least (maybe throw in a tetanus shot)